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Good afternoon fellow orblers, rather cold isn’t it? Cold enough to freeze ones tits off, I’d say.

On cold days like these there is nothing better than Awesome Dudes Awesome Slow Cooked Lamb Shanks, its fucking brilliant.

What you need-

Lamb shanks 2 per person (I used 6)
Big onion
2 cans of crushed tomatoes
Few cloves of garlic
Red wine (bout half a bottle)
Extra virgin olive oil
Rosemary
Water

What you do-

Get a slow cooker.

Or alternatively do it in the oven, but today we’re using a slow cooker.

First heat up a fry-pan and brown the shanks, remember to season and use a little oil in the pan. Meanwhile get your slow cooker going, it won’t be hot enough to fry stuff but just kind of whack it all in, the garlic, the chopped onion, the cans of tomatoes, the red wine. Stir it round a bit then put in the shanks, if the liquid doesn’t cover the shanks add some water.

slow cooking lamb shanks

My slow cooker has a high and a low setting, and a warm one, and a timer. If you have it on high they will cook in around four hours, if you have it on low you can start it in the morning and it will be ready when you get home from work, set the timer for like six hours and when it runs out the warm setting kicks in and will keep it warm for four hours.

Sprinkle some rosemary and serve with mash potato. (I don’t have to tell you how to make mash potato)
Awesome Lamb Shanks
Awesome Lamb Shanks


There is normally a whole lot of sauce left over, don’t waste it, refrigerate it. The next night I made a bolognaise sauce with lamb mince and served it with penne pasta.

Fun fact No51- I have a new a hat.

Nomad

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Damn I’m awesome, like I’m super dooper freakin friggin awesome. I’m so awesome that when I fart it sounds like the start of “While My Guitar Gently Weeps” by the Beatles... I know, it’s beautiful isn’t it?

Anyway, 2 minute noodles is a favourite amongst the loser uni student spastics, so I thought I might help them out and show them how to get the most flavour out of their Maggi 2 min noodles.

What you need-

One packet of 2 minute noodles Chicken or Beef
One small saucepan
Small amount of water

What you do-

Remove wrapping from noodles and place noodles in saucepan, sprinkle on flavour sachet. Now this is the awesome part, with cold water from the tap, fill it up 1cm from the bottom so it comes half way up the side of the noodles.
not too much water

Whack a lid on it and put it on a stove on high. Just before its boiled use a fork to flip over the noodles, whack the lid back on and bring it to the boil.
bubble bubble

Then take the lid off and start separating the noodles with a fork. It should really be bubbling away and the water should be reducing down to a saucy thickness.
bubble bubble

When it’s cooked to your liking just pour it straight into the bowl, there should be hardly any liquid left, which is good because it will make the flavour even more intense.
Awesome 2 min noodles
Awesome 2 min noodles

Fun fact No56- Jamie Oliver’s bottom lip looks like a breakfast sausage. (you know the ones)

Nomad
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Alright dickheads, this is the story of a prawn, a Scottish guy and a chilli.
prawn

Scottish

chilli

So a few years back Awesome Chick and I went out for dinner at a Thai Restaurant called The Thai Orchid, its run by this Scottish guy and his Thai wife and the food is pretty fucking good (green curry kicks arse). So Scottish comes over and he’s all “how ye dein airigh den?” and we’re “yeah good mate” so Awesome Chick orders a yellow curry or something like that and I go “yeah I’ll have the Chilli Prawns thanks Scottish” and Scottish goes “ye sure? es prehhy foockin oot” He then goes on to say he eats everything on the menu but he won’t touch that.

To me, this sounds like a challenge. So I say “Scottish, (that’s what I call him) Scottish, just write it down and fuck off!”

Soon after he comes back out with our food, he puts mine down and beside it he places a small saucer type thing with some freshly chopped chilli. That’s in case it’s not hot enough he tells me.

Alright the Chilli Prawn dish is basically Prawns, vegetables and chilli, stir-fried. Cool.

So I slap some rice down on my plate, then some prawns and some veggies, and away I go.
First prawn- not bad, bit of spice, second prawn- ooohh yeah starting to warm up, spoon full of rice and veg- wow my lips are burning a bit. Awesome Chick inquires how it is, “pfft... it’s alright, nothing special”

Now by this stage it really is “Fookin oot”, like it... is... really, fucking hot!! Usually I don’t take a drink if something is really hot because it tends to make it hotter, like it’s refreshing at first, but then it comes back twice as strong. So I have sip of whiskey and coke, no relief there. I then jump straight back into the fire and have another prawn... Fuck me this is hot, my nose has started to run, and every breath seems to make it worse.

So now I’m doing what I can only describe as a back-to-front whistle, it looks like I’m whistling but I’m sucking air in. I keep glancing at the jug of water on the table. Awesome Chick looks at me and says “Are you crying?” “No” I snap back. “I’m fine” “Um... it looks like you’re crying” I’m not really listening I’m just looking at the jug of water... I give in. I pour myself a glass and toss it down my burning gullet.

Aaaaaaaahhhh relief... for about five seconds. Then the real burn comes back and I can feel a tear running down my cheek and Awesome Chick says to me “You know, you don’t have to eat it” I don’t answer and throw in another prawn and some more veg and rice.

Now I’m sure nearly every man at some stage in their life has had chick give them this look. The look is this. They kind of stare at you for a few seconds, then their top lip curls up (a little like elvis) and they slowly shake their head. Sometimes they might even roll their eyes a little; Awesome Chick didn’t do the eye roll, but I have three words to describe this look... pure, utter, disdain.

So I continued to eat my Chilli Prawn dish with tears streaming down my face until every bit was gone (except a little bit of rice)

Old Scottish comes back over to collect our plates and asks how it was, I say “It was fucking hot you fucking cunt” he says “Ah fookin tool ye”

Fun Fact No65- Scottish people like you to swear at them, it reminds them of home.

Nomad


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G’day molls, I’m back!

So, what’s been goin’ on? Cool. Yeah not much either, just breaking kid’s bones, especially the ones that look at me cock-eyed. You know how it is...

Alright, Awesome Dudes Awesome Spicy Chicken and Roasted Veg, very basic very tasty. Here it is.

What you need-

Chicken breasts
Paprika
Dried coriander
Two carrots
Red onion
Cauliflower
Broccoli
Extra virgin olive oil
Salt n pepper

What you do-

Chop up all your veg and throw them on an oven tray, splash on some olive oil and a whole lot of salt n pepper. Whack it in a pre-heated oven at 180c for 40 mins.
roasted veg

Alright trim up your chicken breasts, cut off the tenderloin, smash the thick end with the flat side of a meat tenderiser until you breasts are an even thickness. Sprinkle on paprika and coriander and a whole lot of salt n pepper. Cook for four mins either side in a super hot fry-pan.
Chicken

Serve.
Awesome Spicy Chicken and Roasted Veg

Fun fact No50- If you break a kids arm, they tend to cry.

Nomad

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Alright you bunch losers this is how we make a pie.

What you need-

500gm chicken breast cubed
Fennel sliced
Onion sliced
Two cups mushrooms sliced
3 cloves of garlic crushed
Chilli chopped finely
2 sheets of puff pastry
Olive oil
1 cup of water
Tablespoon of flour
Teaspoon of wholegrain mustard

What you do-

Get your puff pastry out and thaw it. In a super hot fry pan throw in the fennel, onion, mushy, garlic and chilli, with a splash of oil. Fry that up until it’s all soft, say five mins. Then put in a bowl to the side. In the same fry pan throw in the chicken, season it. Cooked until sealed, then throw in the cooked veg, tablespoon of flour and half a cup of water and a teaspoon of wholegrain mustard. Simmer for 15 mins, if it’s not saucy enough throw in a bit more water. Alright let it cool a bit.

Turn your oven on to 180c. Place one piece of your puff pastry on an oven tray and top with chicken mixture, make sure you have a 2cm gap around the edges. With a brush lightly brush the edges with milk or beaten egg. Now slap on the other bit of pastry, with a fork crinkle the edges, then fold then over again and crinkle. Then cook for 20-25 mins. (you may have some chicken mixture left over so make a smaller pie as well)

Serve.
Awesome Pie
Awesome Pie

Fun fact No33- I once cooked a kitten pie like on Young Einstein. (Yahoo Serious... what a knob)

Nomad

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Alright people, I’ve just finished Awesome Dudes Awesome Dinner for One, and... Well, it was pretty good, but the question I put forth to you is. What music was I listening to whilst having my Awesome Dudes Awesome Dinner for One?

We’ll ponder that later


[ Click here to read more ]
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So... what’s goin’ on?

I was hitting golf balls into a crowd of kids, and they were all screaming and crying like the little pussies they are. I yelled out to them “you’re lucky I’m using an iron you little maggots” So this old man comes over and he starts yelling at me, I stood there and looked him up and down, then pulled out a putter and hit him in the eye. He’s lying on the ground coughing and holding his eye and he’s trying to say something to me, but his false teeth fall out, so it’s all mumbles and dribbles. So out comes big bertha and I drive those teeth right into the crowd of kids. Shards fly everywhere, and I like to think some of that shrapnel went into the kids eyes. (Man I hate kids


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Awesome Dude and The Devils Ham

June 3rd 2008 06:04
The Devil

Awesome Dude and the Devils Ham is the tale of Gordon Ramsay, the Devil, a Minotaur... and... some toast.

[ Click here to read more ]
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Awesome Dudes Awesome Beef Ragout

May 26th 2008 22:54
Alright sluts we’re doing a stew today, but we’re giving it a fancy French name, “Ragout”. This is my version of a beef ragout.

I also do a ragout with lamb chops, but I got hold of some beef shin (osso bucco) so I used that


[ Click here to read more ]
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Alright losers, vegemite sandwiches suck balls, but vegemite on toast kicks arse.

So you’re sitting around at ten pm on a Monday night, and all you’ve got to drink is a half a bottle of vodka. You look in the fridge and there’s some orange juice, sweet. Then you think, I’m a bit peckish too, how ‘bout some toast


[ Click here to read more ]
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