Awesome Dude and The Devils Ham
June 3rd 2008 06:04
Awesome Dude and the Devils Ham is the tale of Gordon Ramsay, the Devil, a Minotaur... and... some toast.
Not many people know this, but devilled ham has no meat in it at all. It is completely meat free, so all you loser vego’s go buy some, you’ll friggin’ love it! (You’ll love it as much as I love tofu)
Devilled Ham
I like to think devilled ham is the ham the devil rejected, like he’s hanging out down in hell, kicking nuns, raping all the popes, and he thinks, I’m a bit peckish, how about some toast. So he slaps John Paul in the back of the head and says “I’ll be back for you Johnny Boy”.
On he’s way down to “Hell’s Kitchen” he stomps on three babies and head-butts fifteen grannies. When he gets to the kitchen he finds Gordon Ramsay on his knees with a mouth full of Minotaur. He says “Gary (that’s the Minotaur’s name) Gary, what the fuck are you doing?” Gary says “I’m sorry Mr Devil, it’s just that he’s... such a good cocksucker” “Gary, this is the last fucking time... Gordon, off your knees and make me some fucking toast.”
Gary the Minotaur
Go on, have a nibble
The devil increases in size, flames rise up behind him and he looks down on Gordon “What the fuck is in it then?” “Well it’s got some b-b-bacon in it, that’s k-k-kinda like ham” “Yeah, but it aint no ham” Gordon thinks about this for a few seconds and says “Well I suppose not” “You suppose not... You’re fucking idiot Ramsay, just for that, I’m gonna move the skin from your nut sack and put it on your face, so then your face will be as wrinkly as a nut sack.”
So the devil moves the skin from Gorgon Ramsay’s nut sack onto his face, and then sends him back up to earth with the jar of devilled ham.
Disclaimer- Devilled Ham: Ingredients- 68% pork (Tongues, Hearts and Bacon) salt and other stuff.
Fun fact No44-One time I wanted devilled ham so bad I went to a farm and punched a pig in the nose, then ripped its tongue out and started chewing on it... I then punched the pig again and said “Don’t you ever French kiss me again” (true story)
Nomad (Awesome Dude)
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