Basic Training (how to cry like man)
July 2nd 2008 00:32
Alright dickheads, this is the story of a prawn, a Scottish guy and a chilli.
So a few years back Awesome Chick and I went out for dinner at a Thai Restaurant called The Thai Orchid, its run by this Scottish guy and his Thai wife and the food is pretty fucking good (green curry kicks arse). So Scottish comes over and he’s all “how ye dein airigh den?” and we’re “yeah good mate” so Awesome Chick orders a yellow curry or something like that and I go “yeah I’ll have the Chilli Prawns thanks Scottish” and Scottish goes “ye sure? es prehhy foockin oot” He then goes on to say he eats everything on the menu but he won’t touch that.
To me, this sounds like a challenge. So I say “Scottish, (that’s what I call him) Scottish, just write it down and fuck off!”
Soon after he comes back out with our food, he puts mine down and beside it he places a small saucer type thing with some freshly chopped chilli. That’s in case it’s not hot enough he tells me.
Alright the Chilli Prawn dish is basically Prawns, vegetables and chilli, stir-fried. Cool.
So I slap some rice down on my plate, then some prawns and some veggies, and away I go.
First prawn- not bad, bit of spice, second prawn- ooohh yeah starting to warm up, spoon full of rice and veg- wow my lips are burning a bit. Awesome Chick inquires how it is, “pfft... it’s alright, nothing special”
Now by this stage it really is “Fookin oot”, like it... is... really, fucking hot!! Usually I don’t take a drink if something is really hot because it tends to make it hotter, like it’s refreshing at first, but then it comes back twice as strong. So I have sip of whiskey and coke, no relief there. I then jump straight back into the fire and have another prawn... Fuck me this is hot, my nose has started to run, and every breath seems to make it worse.
So now I’m doing what I can only describe as a back-to-front whistle, it looks like I’m whistling but I’m sucking air in. I keep glancing at the jug of water on the table. Awesome Chick looks at me and says “Are you crying?” “No” I snap back. “I’m fine” “Um... it looks like you’re crying” I’m not really listening I’m just looking at the jug of water... I give in. I pour myself a glass and toss it down my burning gullet.
Aaaaaaaahhhh relief... for about five seconds. Then the real burn comes back and I can feel a tear running down my cheek and Awesome Chick says to me “You know, you don’t have to eat it” I don’t answer and throw in another prawn and some more veg and rice.
Now I’m sure nearly every man at some stage in their life has had chick give them this look. The look is this. They kind of stare at you for a few seconds, then their top lip curls up (a little like elvis) and they slowly shake their head. Sometimes they might even roll their eyes a little; Awesome Chick didn’t do the eye roll, but I have three words to describe this look... pure, utter, disdain.
So I continued to eat my Chilli Prawn dish with tears streaming down my face until every bit was gone (except a little bit of rice)
Old Scottish comes back over to collect our plates and asks how it was, I say “It was fucking hot you fucking cunt” he says “Ah fookin tool ye”
Fun Fact No65- Scottish people like you to swear at them, it reminds them of home.
Nomad
So a few years back Awesome Chick and I went out for dinner at a Thai Restaurant called The Thai Orchid, its run by this Scottish guy and his Thai wife and the food is pretty fucking good (green curry kicks arse). So Scottish comes over and he’s all “how ye dein airigh den?” and we’re “yeah good mate” so Awesome Chick orders a yellow curry or something like that and I go “yeah I’ll have the Chilli Prawns thanks Scottish” and Scottish goes “ye sure? es prehhy foockin oot” He then goes on to say he eats everything on the menu but he won’t touch that.
To me, this sounds like a challenge. So I say “Scottish, (that’s what I call him) Scottish, just write it down and fuck off!”
Soon after he comes back out with our food, he puts mine down and beside it he places a small saucer type thing with some freshly chopped chilli. That’s in case it’s not hot enough he tells me.
Alright the Chilli Prawn dish is basically Prawns, vegetables and chilli, stir-fried. Cool.
So I slap some rice down on my plate, then some prawns and some veggies, and away I go.
First prawn- not bad, bit of spice, second prawn- ooohh yeah starting to warm up, spoon full of rice and veg- wow my lips are burning a bit. Awesome Chick inquires how it is, “pfft... it’s alright, nothing special”
Now by this stage it really is “Fookin oot”, like it... is... really, fucking hot!! Usually I don’t take a drink if something is really hot because it tends to make it hotter, like it’s refreshing at first, but then it comes back twice as strong. So I have sip of whiskey and coke, no relief there. I then jump straight back into the fire and have another prawn... Fuck me this is hot, my nose has started to run, and every breath seems to make it worse.
So now I’m doing what I can only describe as a back-to-front whistle, it looks like I’m whistling but I’m sucking air in. I keep glancing at the jug of water on the table. Awesome Chick looks at me and says “Are you crying?” “No” I snap back. “I’m fine” “Um... it looks like you’re crying” I’m not really listening I’m just looking at the jug of water... I give in. I pour myself a glass and toss it down my burning gullet.
Aaaaaaaahhhh relief... for about five seconds. Then the real burn comes back and I can feel a tear running down my cheek and Awesome Chick says to me “You know, you don’t have to eat it” I don’t answer and throw in another prawn and some more veg and rice.
Now I’m sure nearly every man at some stage in their life has had chick give them this look. The look is this. They kind of stare at you for a few seconds, then their top lip curls up (a little like elvis) and they slowly shake their head. Sometimes they might even roll their eyes a little; Awesome Chick didn’t do the eye roll, but I have three words to describe this look... pure, utter, disdain.
So I continued to eat my Chilli Prawn dish with tears streaming down my face until every bit was gone (except a little bit of rice)
Old Scottish comes back over to collect our plates and asks how it was, I say “It was fucking hot you fucking cunt” he says “Ah fookin tool ye”
Fun Fact No65- Scottish people like you to swear at them, it reminds them of home.
Nomad
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