Basic Training (to catch a rabbit with a spork)
September 21st 2008 23:09
This is the story of a rabbit, an over-sized spork and one very sad child.
The story starts at the Shepparton Market Place on the Thursday before Good Friday, Toadfish and Harold from Neighbours were signing autographs because none of the good looking actors wanted to come. So Shep got stuck with a butt ugly Toad and an old man with bigger jowls than my dog.
The Easter Bunny was there too getting photo’s taken with kids.
So me and my little brother Ace had just eaten a very nutritious piece of paper that was aptly named a “Hoffman”, and somehow managed to drive a car to the market place without disrupting the filth, but had managed to cause a traffic jam.
“Dude, you gotta get in the park”
“I am in the park”
“Nah dickhead, the front half is in the park the rest of the car aint”
“Nah I’m up against the gutter”
“You’re like two metres away you spastic”
“..........
“Just fuckin’ drive forward”
“... How far to go?”
“Fuckin’ heaps, hurry up I’m starting to feel weird”
“Hey did your voice just slow down then?”
“What?”
“It seemed like your voice slowed down then”
“What? No it didn’t, just get out of the car”
We get out and look at my attempt at parking.
“You fuckin’ idiot, you’re on the gutter now”
“Let’s just go inside, everyone’s lookin’ at us”
“Shut your door then”
“Alright settle down, you’re gettin’ all agro”
“What did we even come here for?”
“Um... I was gonna get a set of sporks or something”
15 minutes later and we are in Big W looking at pillows.
“Fuck man, that one looks fuckin’ soft as”
“Yeah man, fuckin’ touch it”
“Fuck”
“Soft eh?”
“Yeah”
“Hey lets go man, what are we even doing here?”
“You wanted to get a spoon or something”
“What the fuck would I want a spoon for?”
“I don’t fuckin’ know”
“Alright then, let’s go”
On the way out of big dub we found a massive wooden spork that would normally hang on a wall, I thought I better get it for some reason or other.
“That’s one big fuckin’ spork”
“I know, it’s awesome”
Alright, this is where it gets weird, after we payed we walked through the sensor things and for some reason they went off. Now I don’t think it was us because no one chased us when we decided we had to run.
“Was that us?”
There wasn’t a word said after that, we just looked at each other and ran.
So we’re running, running real fast, I had the spork held like an Olympic relay baton and it’s fair to say I was hookin’ along. We came round a corner at full speed, Ace was in front and with some very good evasive skills he managed to dodge the Easter Bunny.
I didn’t... I crashed into the Easter Bunny and managed to ram my spork right into his Egg Basket, and when I say Egg Basket I mean his BALL BAG.
Now what would a normal person do in this situation? Would they run? Well I can tell you after a quick army roll I was fucking gone, I did glance back and see a kid crying.
Looking back on the whole ordeal I’m surprised my car wasn’t stolen, because when we got to the car we found we had shut the doors, but hadn’t locked them and the keys were still in the ignition... and the car was still running. Excellent idea if you plan on making a quick getaway, but in any other circumstance, completely retarded.
Fun fact No82- Never go shopping on acid.
Nomad
Rabbit
Spork (not over-sized)
Very sad child
The story starts at the Shepparton Market Place on the Thursday before Good Friday, Toadfish and Harold from Neighbours were signing autographs because none of the good looking actors wanted to come. So Shep got stuck with a butt ugly Toad and an old man with bigger jowls than my dog.
The Easter Bunny was there too getting photo’s taken with kids.
So me and my little brother Ace had just eaten a very nutritious piece of paper that was aptly named a “Hoffman”, and somehow managed to drive a car to the market place without disrupting the filth, but had managed to cause a traffic jam.
“Dude, you gotta get in the park”
“I am in the park”
“Nah dickhead, the front half is in the park the rest of the car aint”
“Nah I’m up against the gutter”
“You’re like two metres away you spastic”
“..........
“Just fuckin’ drive forward”
“... How far to go?”
“Fuckin’ heaps, hurry up I’m starting to feel weird”
“Hey did your voice just slow down then?”
“What?”
“It seemed like your voice slowed down then”
“What? No it didn’t, just get out of the car”
We get out and look at my attempt at parking.
“You fuckin’ idiot, you’re on the gutter now”
“Let’s just go inside, everyone’s lookin’ at us”
“Shut your door then”
“Alright settle down, you’re gettin’ all agro”
“What did we even come here for?”
“Um... I was gonna get a set of sporks or something”
15 minutes later and we are in Big W looking at pillows.
“Fuck man, that one looks fuckin’ soft as”
“Yeah man, fuckin’ touch it”
“Fuck”
“Soft eh?”
“Yeah”
“Hey lets go man, what are we even doing here?”
“You wanted to get a spoon or something”
“What the fuck would I want a spoon for?”
“I don’t fuckin’ know”
“Alright then, let’s go”
On the way out of big dub we found a massive wooden spork that would normally hang on a wall, I thought I better get it for some reason or other.
“That’s one big fuckin’ spork”
“I know, it’s awesome”
Alright, this is where it gets weird, after we payed we walked through the sensor things and for some reason they went off. Now I don’t think it was us because no one chased us when we decided we had to run.
“Was that us?”
There wasn’t a word said after that, we just looked at each other and ran.
So we’re running, running real fast, I had the spork held like an Olympic relay baton and it’s fair to say I was hookin’ along. We came round a corner at full speed, Ace was in front and with some very good evasive skills he managed to dodge the Easter Bunny.
I didn’t... I crashed into the Easter Bunny and managed to ram my spork right into his Egg Basket, and when I say Egg Basket I mean his BALL BAG.
Now what would a normal person do in this situation? Would they run? Well I can tell you after a quick army roll I was fucking gone, I did glance back and see a kid crying.
Looking back on the whole ordeal I’m surprised my car wasn’t stolen, because when we got to the car we found we had shut the doors, but hadn’t locked them and the keys were still in the ignition... and the car was still running. Excellent idea if you plan on making a quick getaway, but in any other circumstance, completely retarded.
Fun fact No82- Never go shopping on acid.
Nomad
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